Ted Cruz on Behalf of Ted Cruz

Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) is suing the Federal Election Commission because rich dudes running for office should't have to sacrifice a damn thing in pursuit of power.

Cruz is suing over the bit of the Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act which states that if a candidate makes a big showy deal out of giving his own personal money to his campaign, it shouldn't actually cost him any of his own personal money.

The Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act (BCRA for short)(B for even shorter) imposes a $250,000 cap on post-election fundraising to reimburse the candidate for personal cash or loans given to the campaign. Cruz gave his 2018 Senate campaign against Beto O'Rourke $260,000. That's a difference, as Donald Trump's doctors will tell you, of 239 lbs.

Cruz's lawsuit argues the reimbursement limit violates the Constitution, screeching, "The First Amendment commands that 'Congress shall make no law...abridging the freedom of speech.'" Because spending money is a form of speech. Or, as Republican political theorists put it, "My Mercedes is louder than your Toyota Yaris."

To Cruz's credit, his contention that money equals speech is consistent. I once asked the Senator how he was doing and he responded by throwing a twenty in my face. I think that meant, "I'm good, thank you!"

This lawsuit is an important moment is American legal history. For once, someone is standing up for the big guy. For too long, the upper classes of our great nation have had their voices ignored. Ted Cruz says "ENOUGH! All U.S. citizens deserve a voice, whether they be rich, wealthy, affluent, or merely loaded."

I beg the courts to allow Senator Cruz to have his $10,000 back. He needs it to buy soup. And accidental porn.

And stamps.